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+---
+layout: post
+title: Thoughts on feeling "useful"
+date: 2026-06-16 18:16 +0200
+categories: life
+---
+
+I don't have a lot of self-confidence.
+
+I struggled with my job in the past, and do so still, because
+*I don't do anything "useful" with it* - Basically, I just write
+code so my company can earn money by selling products. The products
+don't "help humanity as a whole".
+
+I like to help out at furry conventions.
+I also always volunteer as an election worker. [^1]
+
+[^1]: Currently, I write the protocols, fill out the forms with the vote counts, etc.
+
+These activities make me happy. Because I do something "valuable".
+Also because I enjoy the company there.
+
+A few days ago, a thought occurred to me, though.
+That it might be a bit… dangerous to get *all* my self-esteem from these
+activities. Like, *I'm only "worth something" if I do these
+activities*. This is a pretty fucked-up thought. I was like
+*Where did that come from?*
+
+Like I said, I don't have a lot of self-confidence.
+
+*Rationally*, I know this is bullshit. I am… me/myself?
+People aren't, shouldn't be!, defined solely by "their usefulness to society".
+I met a lot of people in the past that certainly weren't in a hurry to get away from me.
+So, why do I struggle with that?
+
+It probably doesn't help that I don't meet/talk to/do activities with
+other people regularly. I think I need to work on that with more.
+I've been feeling pretty good recently, though, looking forward to a furmeet and a
+convention.
+
+That's basically it, already, just wanted to write this down, share my reflections.